Last Night in the US

Today consisted of lectures that ran from about 8:30 a.m. until 6:00 p.m. filled with relentless questions from people ranging from "Can my internship be in English?" to "Do you all have a scale so I can weigh my luggage before I go?" Both answers are no to those in case you were wondering. Did some final packing and made my way to the local grease pit (Cheese Steak Factory) and had some mozzerlla sticks - my last savory bite of those delicious creations for a long time. I didn't have a cheese steak, I'm not in Philadelphia and it didn't feel right.

Found out though today that a lot more is paid for than I realized...

1. Airfare t0/from the United States
2. Transportation to DC airport
3. Transporation to language school (Radolfzell)
4. 200 Euro month food stipend (August & September)
5. Transporation to University of Stuttgart
6. Books & Tuition at University of Stuttgart
7. Housing at University of Stuttgart
8. 200 Euro month food stipend at University of Stuttgart (October - January)
9. Transporation to internship (Berlin)
10. Partial rent payment during Internship
depending on my salary (February - June)
11. 200 - 500 Euro month food stipend (February - June)
12. Transporation costs to all seminars within Germany
13. Insurance (doctor and emergency)
14. "Bahn Card" (50% off ALL train tickets incl. to other countries)

Too bad beer isn't number 15 on the list...

I'm feeling very lucky right now - but very burdened at the same time.

Happy, sad, optimistic, worried, scared, anxious and excited also come to mind.

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Minivans, Clams & Sarcasm

This is Georgetown...or so it seems to me. It's like Lincoln Park, but everyone is older and eats more seafood?

On another note. I think my dorm room has spiders, two large bites on my hands - and wait - one on my forehead too. Also, went and got 5 inches off my hair today - I look like a damn soccer mom.

"Don't forget your orange slices kids! Oh, and the juice boxes!"

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Toto, we're not in Chicago anymore.

I left this morning about 10:30 and got in the cab to O'Hare Airport to take my flight to Washington, DC. Finally arrived and headed to Georgetown University (see stock photo). This campus is beautiful...I could see how being here would automatically make you feel smarter for some reason.

After lugging my 88 lb suitcase up three flights of stairs due to a broken elevator, I was pleasantly surprised that even though this building was old - I have some of the strongest A/C on the east coast blasting into my dorm room. Thank God, because it is literally sweltering here. I don't know what the temperature really is, it's just hot and miserable. I should enjoy it though, once I get up into the mountains, I'll be busting out the parka in no time.

When the plane took off, I strained to see the skyline - my favorite skyline in the world. Looking below I saw parts of the lake, the outer drive and the tall apartment buildings that line it. Missed the Sears Tower, but the image of it is permanently engraved in my memory and I didn't need to see it anyways. Here it is for you, if you're not familar...

I'm going to miss you guys. Oh, and drink an Old Style for me.

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Rainbow

I had my family party today, the last good-bye before I left. About 20 people showed up, we had Italian Beef and other snacks, it was very nice. So good to see those I love before I left, it meant a lot. More showed up than than I thought, they all seem proud and I'm glad they are so proud...because I'm feeling like a lost puppy lately.

My grandma is close to being 91 at the end of next month, I keep asking myself it today if it was going to be the last time I saw her. She couldn't make it to the party, but I went and saw her - when she saw me, she smiled. Piercing blue eyes with total and absolute goodness and unselfishness in that woman's eyes. I can only hope to be the half the woman she has been in the course of my life. Always kind, helping, wonderful and a prime example of unselfishness, care, and all around good nature that you can only find in a human being like her. I told her that I was coming back for Christmas, and that I would see her - she nodded her head and smiled. This is the woman that has been the most important female role model in my life, and I want her to be there, but I think God is calling her to come to him. Sometimes I think that may be better, and I mean that in the most unselfish way.

I left the house, and started driving home. I got onto I-88 and near Aurora and I saw the most beautiful rainbow in my entire life. It wasn't just the one end of the rainbow, it was the whole thing - arching beautifully over the fields, all colors staring me in the face. I saw that rainbow and I cried, arching my neck, straining to see it - the full beauty of it. It started from one end, full and colorful then arched into the clouds and landed far away with the hues just as strong. The rain was relentless, but the rainbow was stronger and I couldn't help but look there and imagine what it means to me. For me a rainbow means total peace and comfort in the fact that I am taken care of, lives will go on, and as long as my love is pure for everything I care for - I will will take strength and believe in that.

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Thunderstorm

You can be in any cab in the world heading home, whatever home may be, it can be anyplace you want. Yet always think of those you love on that bumpy ride home. To leave that is familiar, and to leave that which is cherished, is more to handle for most. I took that ride home and shook when I reached it.

What do you do when you are so struck with grief you feel as though your breath will fly away into the sky? Grab remnants and hold them close so they can not be taken by anything. Shake and cry and hold on, for all will pass, but your memories, and how you will see them long from now -- is the most precious. Keep them for yourself, because they are yours, and yours alone.

"Bestill my heart, this could be a brand new start..."

- Postal Service

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Love Parade Berlin, dreams forming.

I just returned from Berlin Love Parade. After two years of absence due to trash issues and dead plants...I can honestly say it was back with a vengance. Well, not a vengance - but a big fluffy cloud of party goers with smiles on their faces, sparkles coming out their ears and a genuine love for what they were there for. It was truly refreshing to be surrounded by so many people that were incredibly happy to be together, and their exuberance only spread throughout the whole of the avenue.

I had the priveledge of attending the Love Parade on the Ministry of Sound Float and Chris played some great records and really got it moving. I didn't stop jumping and pumping my fist the whole time, and the bruises on my knees from the side bars and the slight sunburn on my forehead will go to show that. That night we went to Polar.TV and Ostfunk for a night of banging music outside and stumbling out after 14 hours at the club (!!!) I got to meet some really great people in the scene there in Berlin, and it makes me proud to see what they are doing with house music in Berlin, before this weekend I had only heard Paul Johnson's "Get Down" about two years ago in a club.

This weekend made me wonder, are you ever too old to be doing this kind of stuff? Before this past weekend I would have probably said yes, but after my experience I've learned that there is no age gap when it comes to having a good time, and even if you can't make it until 2:00 pm the next day, if you make it all then it's a good thing!

"It is in this way that we must train ourselves: by liberation of the self through love. We will develop love, we will practice it, we will make it both a way and a basis, take our stand upon it, store it up, and throughly set it going."
-Samyutta Nikaya

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Eating at the Big Table

Last night I went to a really nice dinner party with my dad. The host was George, and his wife, Aliana have this wonderfully rehabbed attic condo on west North Avenue in Wicker Park with a back porch, and a front porch overlooking North Avenue. If you looked to the left, you saw the Milwaukee / North / Damen intersection. This place was really great - the type of place I could see myself in someday. All wood ceiling, comfy furniture, great art, tall candles - but not too big. She makes great jewelry and they have the sweetest Maine Coon cat that is deaf and blind in one eye but still manages to purr when you pick her up.

The night was long and suplemented with large amounts of high quality wine, lobster tails, bourbon marinated steaks, and a great spinach salad with homemade dressing - I was told katsup was the secret ingredient. All in all, I drank too much wine, and my theories twoards the end of the night I can only imagine began to get muddled. I was really pleased to walk out of there though, and have the feeling like I really had a great adult night; no television, no loud music, no shots of jager shoved in my face. Just people sitting around and talking for hours on end with the soft hum of cuban music in the background.

I will always love the smell of cigars on a hot summer night...

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Pacific Coast

I'd have to say that my visit to the Pacific Coast really hit a nice spot with me...

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Well, here goes one of hopefully many!

This is officially my first blog on the internet that's not on MySpace, and it feels slightly dorky but at the same time englighting. I know (or think) mostly friends will visit, so I feel I can be a little more open in describing my thoughts...and you're my friends so hopefully you won't be too bored. We all know I've gone though some intensly personal and sad times by leaving the United States, and everyone who's given me so much support and love I am eternally grateful.

I've found out about some of my placements; Radolfzell for the first two months in language classes at the Carl Duisberg University. It looks absolutly beautiful, lots of outdoors things - huge lake, bikes, nature. If you know me that makes me nervous, who knows, maybe my inner Heidi will emerge? After that, onto some place in the "Bundesland" of Baden-Wuerttemberg in the southwest. Not sure what town...but I'll be into the something similar to a community college working my way to some "Zertifikaten". Mid-January I move to the wonderful, and my most favorite city of Berlin to work at Berlin-Partner GmbH as an intern (that is, if my interview goes okay in the fall).

I'm trying to maintain my sanity - figure out what I need to bring, how I should bring it, how much I should bring - and how in the hell will I find some decent deoderant over there? We all know the standards aren't quite up to par. I've experienced this and it isn't pretty.

I received a card of good wishes that had a great quote that really sums up how I feel about leaving, and I know those around me feel the same.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage"
-Anais Nin

On another note, don't expect to find me in Chicago July 13 - 18, I'll be with superstar DJ Chris Grant at the Love Parade in Berlin. Yes, I know, I'm moving there - but in the rare instance it does happen with me, I'm being spontaneous. He's going to be on a float and I can't miss it for the world.

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